Anybody who looks at this blog will probably spot fairly quickly that I'm not normally one for hanging out my emotions / feelings for all to share - always been that way, well before blogging was invented, always will be I guess. Partly with the blogging stuff it's to do with who might be watching - although my site meter tells me its hardly tens of thousands of people a day!
I have found blogging cathartic in a way however that some people have benefitted from therapy - i.e. telling some total stranger whats going on in your head. The story of the Love stuff as something I needed to get out, to document, to make sense of in a way. I found it hard to talk to Keith or my friends other than Liz about it, on the whole they thought I was bonkers. Keith understands it a lot better now, partly from having read my blog.
Anyway the answer to my opening question is "Its going OK". Some terrible things have happened in the last couple of years to people around us - Liz's cancer, the murder in Steve and Wendy's family - my god I can't think of anything worse in the world than that - also other friends have been seriously ill, and there have been divorces and deaths. Not many births or marriages but then thats a product of our age.Chronological rather than epochal. But it all helps to make sense of what life is all about. Relationships with other people. Being happy with yourself and knowing who you are and what you stand for. Being kind to yourself and others.
I still don't get on very well with my mum however and that taxes my brain sometimes. I guess its getting late to do something about it now, unfortunately her mind is starting to go and its very hard to have a conversation with her. I should just let all of the perceived slights over the years go - perhaps I already have if the "perceived" I just typed is anything to go by. Or perhaps its because we are too alike and I see my faults in her. The worst thing Keith could ever say to me in an argument was "You're getting just like your mum".
Hey Ho
On a more materialistic note, I've treated myself recently as I won £100 two months in a row in my employer's charity lottery!! So I've bought a digital radio and an MP3 player, which I am filling up with music as I type. The little player is fantastic, it got 10 out of 10 in the Guardian this week and my brother recommended it, and he knows about that sort of stuff. I'll report back later when I've got it all figured out.
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Blogging can be a great way to tell somebody what's in your head, in a way where they can't interrupt you or jump to conclusions before you've said your piece. They have to sit down and 'listen' to the whole thing from your point of view, which can rarely happen in an actual conversation. It's rare that I ever get to actually express myself fully and feel that I'm listened to in a conversation. Usually people hear the first couple of sentences, leap to conclusions, and then I spend the rest of the time trying to defend myself against their accusations and to prove that what they thought I meant wasn't what I meant. I never get a chance to say what I actually did mean.
This way, you get to express yourself and communicate to somebody who wouldn't give you the chance face to face.
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