Care-in-the-community patients were given a boost this week under plans to give them dummy Bluetooth headsets. From now on, mad people walking down the street ranting to themselves will appear to be busy executives talking to the office using the latest mobile phone technology.
‘It’s very cheap and very effective’ said junior health minister Hilary Michaels: ‘With just a bit of plastic stuck in their ear, or perhaps even an old wire dangling down from an earpiece, the public’s attitude completely changes.’ During a pilot scheme in Bristol, released mental patients were able to walk down a busy street shouting to themselves without everyone crossing the street or diving inside to lock up their off licenses. Even on public transport, schizophrenics were able to talk loudly without other passengers opting to change train carriages or move to the downstairs of the bus.
‘Of course it does depend slightly what the mentalists are saying’ said the minister. ‘We had one nutter apparently making a call to work who just kept shouting ‘Bastards!’ over and over again. But I think people just thought he was having a bad day in the office.’ The idea is a big step forward in the rehabilitation of people with mental illnesses since acceptance by the general public can go a long way towards rebuilding self-confidence and ending psychosis and paranoia. ‘This dummy headset is the reason I am normal again’ said ‘Mark’ who was first sectioned twelve years ago; ‘It’s helped me overcome many of the irrational fears that dominated my everyday thoughts and now I’m hoping to train as a professional long-haul pilot. If it wasn’t for those little men who live in the radiator who want to burn me, everything would be perfect.’
Thank you so much beachhutman
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